


The Me I Want You To See

by lastingbloom



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Disturbing Themes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, fantasy(?)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 18:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3420707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastingbloom/pseuds/lastingbloom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaejoong wishes he could be with Yunho just one more time and because fate is generous, his wish comes true.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Me I Want You To See

(Timeless) 

The me who can’t live without you.

The you who didn’t take me with you.

And the me who came to find you.

 

(Before)

Yoochun rushes over after Junsu’s frantic phone call.

“We should call first.”

"We can’t call first. You _know_ that.”

“We can’t just show up. And _you_ know that," Junsu retorts, taking offense to having the obvious explained to him.

“We don’t have better options okay, Junsu?”

 

(Forward)

“He showed up at your house, you keep him.” Changmin has already determined this a yunjae-freak-accident which means Yunho will most likely want to fix it but tries his luck anyways.

Junsu panics, “But we can’t keep him! What if managers come to my apartment and see him? They will flip out!”

“He’s not our problem.” The youngest replies nonplussed.

“He’s not ours either, Changmin.”

“Well, Jaejoong _is_ yours.”

“He’s **not** Jaejoong.”

“Stop. He can stay here,” Yunho decides for all of them. 

 

(Rewind)

Jaejoong presses a fist to his lips as if to keep the sobs from escaping. Though no one is there to chide him, he tries to cry as softly as he can. He knows he shouldn’t cry this hard, not anymore, not after 8 months, but on some days the hurt is unbearable. His thoughts awake and asleep are, Yunho, Yunho, Yunho. I need you here, Yunho. Can’t you see I’m hurting, Yunho? You’re hurting me, Yunho. Baby, please. He fists their bed sheets, knuckles white, body contorting consumed with a particularly painful jolt of agony. “Please,” he whimpers, begging to see Yunho even just for a few seconds.

 

(In the morning)

“Hyung, I thought you had filming schedule. When did you come over?”

He realizes he’s been asleep on the couch and gets up, following Junsu’s voice.

“And when did the drama people let you change your hair?”

Jaejoong doesn’t answer, eyes squinting instead at an extremely blond Junsu.

“Why are you blond?”

Junsu cocks his head to one side, apprehension bringing forth habit.

“Should have come with Yoochun to see my musical then you would know I colored by hair.”

He glances back and forth from Junsu to the living room, hands fishing for one of his many phones.

“I don’t know what Yoochun’s doing today but maybe we should call him. You’re being weird."

He can’t find a single phone in any of his pockets.

“Jaejoong hyung, are you okay?”

He searches the living room for his bag because one of his phones have to be in there.

“What are you looking for? Hyung! What’s wrong with you?”

He wants to shout the same questions back at Junsu. He doesn’t even know where he is. Or why Junsu is shuffling about as if this is their dorm.

“Stop! I’m gonna call ---”

“Yunho.” He says through his teeth, biting back frustrated tears.

Junsu already has his finger on speed dial for Yoochun.

 

(Later)

Changmin comes home to a full house. He spares Yunho a disapproving look and skeptically walks in, reaching behind him to grab the door handle. Four pairs of eyes stare back at him.

“What’s the occasion?”

Changmin pauses in his steps because no one bothers to answer. He wonders if there's been a death. Just as he’s about to sigh, he is rudely pushed from behind.

Yunho stands up in alarm sensing Jaejoong’s temper. But all Jaejoong can see are the fingers that were clutching Yunho’s arm just seconds ago.

“Lock the door,” The leader says to a mouth-gaping Changmin.

 

(Afternoon)

Without much choice Yoochun bangs loudly on the door, “It’s me, open up.”

Yunho is already halfway to the door. He hears familiar scuffling before Junsu starts their old secret knock and opens up to find the three on the other side.

In the living room Yoochun and Junsu push him forward as if presenting him to Yunho. He thinks his head is going to burst.

“Are you hurt?” Yunho asks him. So real.

He doesn’t answer. He thinks maybe Yunho asks if he’s hurt but the blood pumping in his ears is deafening.

“Are any of you hurt? Why did you come here instead of the hospital?”

“Yunho-yah?” He can’t help himself.

Yunho is taken back with the affectionate tone and visibly tries to hide that he flinched.

“Let’s talk. Without him,” Yoochun catches Yunho’s eyes. Just like old days.

 

(Pause)

“You didn’t go after him.” It feels strange to Other Jaejoong as he speaks of Jaejoong because the image of Jaejoong leaving the apartment in a huff is his own.

“Jaejoong wouldn’t want me to. I’ll just make him even more mad.”

Other Jaejoong understands everything now. They live apart here and here, they have not talked for a while.

“I would want my Yunho to go after me, even if it made me more mad.”

Yunho lets out a small laugh. “Funny, because Jaejoong is the same way.” He turns to face Other Jaejoong. “You even think alike.”

“You miss him.”

“He doesn’t miss me.”

Other Jaejoong shakes his head. “No, he does.”

Yunho moves closer, encouraged by Other Jaejoong’s reassurance. It's as if they're back in time or maybe a tomorrow they used to dream of together. Back back back.

He looks so much like his Yunho, a hurting Yunho, and Other Jaejoong wants to make it better. I wanna hold you.

 

(Right now)

“Why are you seated next to him?” Jaejoong glowers.

Other Jaejoong recognizes his own possessiveness in Jaejoong’s voice. Changmin registers this tone immediately and puts his head in his hands. Through his fingers he can see Yoochun, head tipped back resting on the sofa next to a blinking Junsu.

“What the f--- are you?”

Other Jaejoong notices that Jaejoong’s hair is black and cut short, no bangs. Jaejoong is also at least 8kg lighter than he is. He looks Jaejoong straight in the eyes and both are hit with an odd consciousness. The other four feel it too yet it's as if they've already accepted the uncanny as harmless.

“We should call the police, we don’t know who or what he is. He could be crazy,” Jaejoong sputters, eyes widening to an adorable size save for any other circumstance.

Yunho turns to Other Jaejoong then to Jaejoong and back again.

“No, let’s wait. He’s just as confused.”

Jaejoong catches the soft look that Yunho gives Other Jaejoong.

“What? Are you kidding? Yunho, just this one time, listen to me.” Jaejoong has to stop himself from finishing that thought.

“They told me you filmed all day, you’re tired. We’ll figure everything out tomorrow.” Yunho throws another sympathetic glance at Other Jaejoong but Jaejoong doesn’t miss a beat. He feels his entire body flush, hotter and hotter the longer he stands across from the two of them.

“You’re seriously taking his side. I don’t believe this.”

“Don’t even tell me I shouldn’t be making this about me.”

“Jaejoong--”

“You know what? I do believe this. This." He throws both his arms open. "This is you.”

Yunho chooses to swallow Jaejoong's accusation silently; though familiar, it isn't any less frustratingly bitter. Yoochun abruptly stands up and steers Jaejoong towards the door, calling for Junsu to follow them out. He looks over his shoulder, “Yunho hyung, let’s talk in the morning.”

 

(When you’re so tired you can’t sleep)

"Do you call him, 'Jaejoongie'?"

Yunho nods and Other Jaejoong's eyes instantly light up full of delight and expectation, a look Yunho knows all too well. And Maybe Yunho can't help himself either.

"Jaejoongie."

Other Jaejoong freezes. Yunho sounds exactly the same; just as warm, just as sweet. Yunho watches and wonders why it feels like he's just done something very cruel.

"I do. I have always called him, 'Jaejoongie'."

Other Jaejoong sucks in a quick breath. "I didn't think I could miss you more," He thinks out loud, bracing for the impending rejection. 

"Finally sitting across from you and it's not even you. What did I ever do to you? Why am I being punished?" He lets out a curt bitter laugh, hand brushing his bangs back. His Yunho would be holding him by now. His Yunho would already have cupped his face with both hands, gentle thumbs wiping away the tears.

Yunho clenches both fists and thinks, they cry the same too. The hot tears drip steadily, hanging off Other Jaejoong's chin. He never could stand the sight of Jaejoong crying.

Yunho reaches over, wiping away the wetness along Other Jaejoong's cheek, practiced movements. The muffled sobs break into a choked whimper as familiar hands suddenly touch his face. He protests with a squeaky, "No" but nuzzles into the warm hand, carefully turning his head to catch Yunho's eyes and kisses the comforting fingers. His lips know these beautiful fingers so maybe the fingers will remember him back.

"Are you really not him?"

Yunho shakes his head sadly.

"You don't just look the same, you are Yunho. I know you're Yunho. You are, you are, you are. You have to be. You feel it too I know you do."

Yunho looks away which only makes Other Jaejoong sob harder. Yunho tightens his jaw unable to decide which is the lesser of two evils but shuts his eyes and carefully cradles Other Jaejoong's head to his chest.

 

\------


End file.
